REAL LIFE | Feeling Defeated
I am fairly confident I could place a Vegas-sized bet that I am not the only person who has ever just felt completely deflated, defeated and as a result, lost in the tidal waves and gasping for air.
People who know me well know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am an emotional person -- good and bad -- and if I'm feeling any emotion, it is likely that you will be the first to know. I'm not shy about how I'm feeling, but I think being this way has been a strong cause of my anxiety and slight depression as I have gotten older. I over think, therefore I over feel... which leads to a Savage Garden sized crash and burn.
Because I don't want to cause the inter webs to explode, I won't go into my back story with depression and anxiety. It started in middle school and here we are today. How is that for a cliff notes version? As of late (and by late, I mean the several days), I have been feeling defeated in most aspects of my life. My job as a mother, my full-time job in the banking industry, my walk with God, and even doubting myself as a photographer and entrepreneur has crept into my view finder -- jerk!
I have to constantly tell myself that I am good at all of these things. I am just one person and can't be expected to do more than a human should be expected. I remind myself that being a parent is hard... really hard... and my son is only four with a lot of trials just waiting to creep out and make me pull out my hair. Every Sunday, I am once again refreshed and renewed in mind, body and soul, knowing that God loves me, He is here for me and did not create me to be perfect. And as for my creative life... the market is saturated, and every person exemplifies a unique perspective on any given situation or life story, and God placed me in the exact position I am in now so I can document real life rather than fabricate what I think it should look like -- and as He continues to groom me as a creative in His way, others will see this too.
Tonight, I ask in this open forum for prayer. Because I am really, really struggling in a lot of ways. In fact, I have spent a good portion of the afternoon running to the bathroom at work to sob quietly so as not to disturb any other potty-people (see what I did there - ha). If you see me, I would love a smile, a hug, or a kind word. I may not seem appreciative just because I am so deeply rooted in my defeat currently... but know that I appreciate your kindness and gestures in ways expression cannot verbalize adequately.
And if you are exactly where I am right now... feel free to contact me to chat or just share your story. I won't judge and I won't put you down. We have to build a community that allows others to be okay with not always being okay. And that, my friend... is what I am here for.